6

Right now I’m fantasy shopping for a pug I hope to adopt soon. I have a jogging stroller, dog bed, dog bowls and dog collar/harness picked out. If I have a doggy shower maybe everyone will buy me these things, since I probably won't have a baby for the next 20 years. Or so. I can’t have a baby now. I can’t even sweep up my kitchen properly.

5

It took me 2 well thought out weeks to find the perfect couch. That’s how I knew I lost my innocence. I was an official adult, and it was horrible. I guess if I was still a child I would’ve just enny meeny miny moed a catalogue from west elm ...I would’ve bought a stupid purple couch that was as wide as it was long. A big purple velvet square. But I’m an adult. So my couch is grey with bolsters and made of a stain resistant fabric. The words stain resistant fabric shake my very core. I was not meant to utter such words. At 13, I only cared about crystal pepsi and whether my new and old friends would mix. I also worried that my period would soak through the sides of my underwear. If I have to sacrifice that purple couch for always with wings and a grey stain resistant fabric couch then so be it.  

4

Blog blog blog...blog blog blog...

3

I get these wild hairs up my ass that I need a certain thing or I can’t move on. Like a specific handbag or an old fashioned typewriter or a super 8 camera (I have 9 already), or the lipstick I saw Kate Hudson recommend in the Janurary 2007 issue of Allure. Then when I obtain said 'wild hair' I fill it back up with something else just as trivial.

2

I once tried out for a show called Baggage. I was laid off at the time from my job...actually fired...brutally fired, but that’s another story for another time. I went to the building in studio city just off Barham and went up the stairs to the door with a print out sign screaming  “BAGGAGE CONTESTANTS TRY OUTS HERE”. I walked in and saw a blonde woman with a clipboard. I then turned around and went back outside to my car where I had put enough money in the meter for an hour and looked around to see if there’s anywhere to go to spend this time on and I decided no. I got in my car and drove away.

1

Ugh I’ve become THAT GIRL. The girl who shits on other successful women who are doing what I want to do. Who have the courage to stay up past midnight and write and do shit that makes them who they are while I watch tv until 8:30, turn on my ipad and play sugarcrush until 10pm and wash my face and then brush my teeth and don’t floss, but I think about flossing while I sit on the toilet and sigh deeply. Where was I? Right. I’ve become THAT GIRL. Not even woman. I’m now just starting to fucking write. No more of the excuses of “well maybe if I did drugs or put on a timer or jumped rope or bought an underwater pen or found a good article or book on how to write without ever writing I’d be able to write. Does this all make sense? Good. Because it does to me. Glad we cleared that up.